New Joke thread

[wayne b]

Originally Posted by wineturtle

The Patch: Two LLers, WayneB and WiT were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud. The passenger, WiT, said "Lookey thar up ahead, WayneB, it's a police roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!" "Don't worry, WiT," WayneB said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers then peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat." "What fer?", asked WiT. "Just let me do the talkin', OK?," said WayneB. Well, they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight & put label on each of their foreheads. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?" "No, sir," said WayneB while pointing at the labels. "We're on the patch."

Hey WiT, thanks a bundle...this joke makes me look dumber than a stump! Why I reckon I ought to pull a bottle out from under the seat and whack you on the head with it. It'd probably add some IQ points fer ya!

[wineturtle]

Originally Posted by wayne b

Hey WiT, thanks a bundle...this joke makes me look dumber than a stump! Why I reckon I ought to pull a bottle out from under the seat and whack you on the head with it. It'd probably add some IQ points fer ya!

But you're the guy with the idea I'm just the foole in this story

7 words you can not hear on TV ALERT!! not for clean ears!!

+ YouTube Video

edit: of course I had to go back and listen to other stuff-I managed to hold it under an hour- so so glad I was around to hear Carlin live or on first release.

[wineturtle]

"An older LLer marries a younger lady and they are very much
in love. However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never
achieves orgasm. Since an LLers wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they
decide to ask WiT.

WiT listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the
following suggestion. "Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are
making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the
wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm."

They go home and follow WiT's advice. They hire a handsome young man
and he waves a towel over them as they make love. But it doesn't help and
she is still unsatisfied.

Perplexed, they go back to WiT."Okay",says wineturtle, "let's try it
reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the
towel over them."

Once again, they follow WiT's advice. The young man gets into bed
with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work
with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking,
screaming orgasm.

The LLer smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly,

"Now THAT"S how you wave a towel"

[wayne b]

Hey WiT, You have to replace rabbi with WiT everywhere...see paragraph 5.

[herr]

These are UK Newspaper classified ads


FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old.
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!

FREE PUPPIES.
1/2 Cocker Spaniel,
1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.

FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.


FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopaedia
Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.
No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

[jaygray]

There was a robbery overnight at Bijan, the men's clothing boutique on Rodeo Drive, said to be the most expensive store in the world. Perpetrator got away with 37 suits, worth over $100,000. Police in Hollywood early this morning put out an APB, saying he was Armani'd and dangerous.

[78Champ]

A husband was in BIG trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary.
"Tomorrow," his wife angrily told him, "there had better be something in our driveway that goes from zero to 200 in two seconds flat!"
The next morning, the wife looked outside and saw a small package in the driveway. She brought it inside, opened it .... and found a brand new bathroom scale. Funeral services for her husband have been set for Saturday ...

[wayne b]

78, that's very funny! BTW - how do you get a cool title like that under your name?

[78Champ]

Originally Posted by wayne b

78, that's very funny! BTW - how do you get a cool title like that under your name?

Lots of hard work. Ask Joe L.

JW

[geds]

the midget ducked...